He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
