Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
