My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
