what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
