i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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