I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
