Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
