After last night, I could never be a politician.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
