Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
