Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
