im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
