Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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