You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
