the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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