you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
