Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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