John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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