She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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