i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
