cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize