Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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