I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
