All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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