Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
