ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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