On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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