Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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