i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
