That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
