The brown eye won't let me do that either.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
