dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize