oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
