I just threw up on my dentist
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
