Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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