ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize