So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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