finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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