I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
