You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We got so high we made milksteak
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize