evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
