question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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