I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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