just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
