she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
