I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
