3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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