what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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