Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
