You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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