Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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