This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
