I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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