Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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