Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
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