I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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