Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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