I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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