it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize