So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
