I want to make a zoo with you.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
