she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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