she woke up with a sticky ear
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
