I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she told me i tasted like america
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
