um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
