I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
