It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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