he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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