I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize