i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So squirting runs in the family.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
