I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
