Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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