Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
