I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
