My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
