It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
