Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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