I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
