I want to walk on stilts...naked
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
