If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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