we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
birth control should be required to get into college
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Randomize
