The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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