I want to make a zoo with you.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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