I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Text me some of your sweat
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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