Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
