Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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