That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
