I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
