sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
