I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
