My first STD was from a foam party
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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