Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
