i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
