it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
