For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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