So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
