i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
