Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
